I AM A SUPER DUPER GENIUS

W00H0000000!

Finished, for the first time in forever, with one peg left! (Just picked up the game again after a few years.)

Well, this can be one more thing added to my modest list of accomplishments this year...

mi profondo in scusi

So che per niente ho stato stupido stupido stupido, e forse distrugguto la nostra amicizia, ma ti vorrei chiedere un perdon e se puoi trovare nel tuo cuore a perdonarmi...

(Not So) Brainy

A Case for RSTLNE

When Wheel of Fortune goes to the bonus round, they automatically give the contestant the letters R, S, T, L, N, and E as a "gimme", and then ask the contestant for three more consonants and a vowel.

So it got me thinking, are they really the most frequent letters? I remember, when I was growing up, that almost all contestants guessed RSTLNE for their letters. I also remember an episode of The A-Team where H.M. goes on Wheel of Fortune for some reason, and I remember that he studied letter frequency charts to gain an advantage. I decided to make my own letter frequency charts off that Boggle program that I have laying about. 26 nicely-formatted lines of code later, the results are in!

The top five occurring consonants are: S (140948), R, (105133), N (101329), T (99367), and L (78503). So, that's OK. The highest-frequency vowel is far and away E (170788) -- so that's OK, too.

Now comes the tricky part. What should the next three consonants be? If memory serves me correctly, most contestants currently pick C, D, and G. Is that just following a pattern, or is that based on frequency? According to my chart, the three next-most occurring letters are C (59257), D (50962), and M (41840). In fairness, G is next in line, and I think people pick M frequently, too. Vowels at this point are a toss-up, as long as you don't pick U (this assumes that you have no idea what the word is when picking letters -- one puzzle about a month or so ago was URUGUAY, which obviously was picked to blow the letter-frequency charts out of the water).

I think I've had way too much time on my hands to think about this sort of thing...

Last night

Yesterday I somewhat randomly popped over to the FARMS (Foundation for Ancient Research and Mormon Studies) website at the Neal A. Maxwell Institute to see what they had. I wasn't really sure what I would find there, but I knew I needed some reading material to keep me occupied while I was scanning a whole bunch of documents at work.

What I found completely fascinated me. I printed out two articles to read at my leisure: an article on the records kept by the Jaredite people, and another article on Moroni, more specifically comparing and contrasting his three attempts to close the record of the Book of Mormon.

I especially enjoyed the article on Moroni. As I read through the final pages of the Book of Mormon, his life really came alive before my eyes, and I understood a lot about his narrations and his commentaries on the stories he was telling. I came to understand how he, like us, was a spiritual wanderer in a strange land, unsure of what the Lord had in store for him, but having complete faith and trust in His plan. The main difference between us and Moroni is that Moroni knows exactly what we are to "get" from the Book of Mormon. He saw our time, and knows the important lessons that we are to learn. And fortunately for us, he recorded them all in Moroni 10.

I've always seen Moroni 10 as the "conclusion" to the Book of Mormon. Well, what I managed to forget in this case is a basic principle of good writing: the conclusion needs to re-state the thesis statement of the work, and summarize it clearly and concisely. Reading the final chapter of the Book of Mormon as both introduction and conclusion, I was able to gain a large amount of insight as to what is important to look for while reading the Book of Mormon, and I am extremely excited to re-read the Book of Mormon yet again, and really focus on the things that Moroni emphasized in his final exhortation to us.

I've been trying really hard recently to study the scriptures, but not only that, to be a student of the scriptures -- really apply them to my life. I picked up a study manual for the second half of the Old Testament, and began reading about the rise and fall of King Solomon (1 Kings 1-11). The manual helped point out that the fall of King Solomon was mostly due to three things: pride, mismanagement of wealth, and a strong desire for acceptance by the world around him. I started thinking about my own life, and the past couple of months. I've really seen a lot of that in my personal life as well, I'm ashamed to say, and I've almost completely gotten away from the things that helped me identify myself as, well, me. So, I made a list, and I carry it around with me on my PDA, and I'm going to be referring to it frequently as I try to keep myself on course. I think this is a good thing to start the new year off with, seeing as how last year was made up mostly of ambiguous goals and scattershot attempts to be 'productive' and 'improve myself'.

Word coinage

Adding new words to the Calabresi-coined lexicon today:

"AIMspeak": the multitude of abbreviations and shortenings that take place within instant message windows, text message conversations, MySpace, etc.

"Intellectual Ice Age": what is going to result from the continual dumbing-down of our society.

Oh yeah

On a completely unrelated note to anything, I just wanted to say that Pantera's album Vulgar Display of Power is awesome to listen to when I want to:

• get something done
• drown out co-workers
• do both at the same time

In fact, the only thing it's probably not good for is driving late at night while tired (I missed my exit way back in 1999), and cooking... I can't imagine working in the kitchen to this kind of music, unless I was cleaning or something. Come to think of it, I think I'm going to play this stuff really freaking loud this week while Michelle and the kids are gone...

Indignancy

Dennis Miller once said something to the effect of: "You know you're never more indignant in life than when you are shopping in a store you feel to be beneath you and someone mistakes you for an employee."

Well, I've never had that happen to me, but I have had an "almost"... I've decided to start dressing better, and not short-changing my reputation or first impressions on the basis of a t-shirt with a nifty slogan ("I'M BIG IN EUROPE") and some baggy jeans. So, it's mostly nice pants (sometimes jeans), a collared shirt, and a sweater if the weather warrants (which, recently, it has been).

Last night I went somewhere, and if I wasn't "dressed up" per se, I was at least dressed better than I usually have been. And I still felt underdressed for the function I was at. Sigh... no win for me this time around... :-(

Recapturing some of the magic

It's time for Animaniacs / And we're zany to the max / So just sit back and relax / You'll laugh till you collapse / We're Animaniacs!

I downloaded got the first few episodes of Animaniacs on DVD yesterday, and spent this morning reliving some of my better TV-watching moments from my younger days. It's pretty cool to watch all of this stuff; in fact, it's the hardest I've laughed at something on TV or in the movies in a long, long time. That says a lot, seeing as how I don't care to watch TV or movies all that much. I need to get my hands on some more episodes, maybe even the whole first couple of seasons, so I can share them with everybody.

On a slightly-related note, I'm anxious for a career change. Not that my current job hasn't been good to me and my family, but I'm just not creating anything at my job. I figured out that that's what is at the bottom of my desire to be a cook -- the act of creating things for other people to enjoy. I made my first bûche de noël (Yule log) this weekend, and it went over well enough that I'm going to make one more for my friends at work, and another one for my mother's birthday, coming up in a couple of weeks. It's good to know how to make them, because they're really good, but they're also very expensive (I think about $15 for a small one) at the local French bakery. Also, with practice, my skills improve. :-)

Albums of the Year (so far)

Two albums really stand out for me this year -- I know technically the Imogen Heap album was released in late 2005, but I didn't get my hands on it until this year.

By "Albums of the Year", I mean albums that were released relatively recently that spent the most time in my car or CD player, or in my playlist at the office.

I have nothing to say.

But, after getting thrown up on tonight and with both kids asleep and everyone else perched in front of the television, I have really nothing else to do. I've read up enough on Jericho, and the constant buzz of background noise, coupled with my fatigue, is enough to really block any sort of creative juices from flowing right now. While STephen is recovering very nicely from his bronchitis, I think that he may be somewhat allergic to the cat here, and he is not sleeping well at all. Very noisy and I was up constantly last night. I got some sleep in the recliner during the day today, but other than that, I am found wanting, as I have proceeded to eat myself into oblivion.

There's a talent show coming up in one week for church... I've decided on doing a solo bass guitar rendition of O Holy Night. I'm excited, as that has been one of my most favorite Christmas carols for a long time, even if I don't know the words all that well. I'm not sure if I will be intruding upon a ward tradition by playing that; generally it's not Christmas in the ward if Ssiter Halula doesn't sing it in her operatic voice. Not that I have anything against that, but I generally don't like being stuck in ruts. I have big ideas, or so I think, and acting on them is very important to me.

Tomorrow morning I'm going to be doing some shopping for Christmas... Home Depot has a sale on a set of really nice power tools, so hopefully I'll be able to do what I want to do, and get some custom furniture and accessories made for the house. I'd really love to get the booth for the dining room taken care of, so we can get rid of the dining room set, or at least put it into storage until we need it again.

We'll see what happens.

Me vs. my job.

Cripes, I hate it. I just realized that the work our team is currently doing is known as "non-value-add"... in other words, even though I am sitting here working my butt off, I'm not really contributing anything. I want out.

Me vs. my car(s)

I am slowly but surely learning how to repair an automobile. It's out of necessity, really, as I've never really considered myself the type of person to be a mechanic. Strange, because I do consider myself somewhat mechanically-inclined. But that's another story.

We have one car whose trunk doesn't shut. It's been held shut by clothesline and a bungee cord for a few months now, because we haven't really needed to have it fixed. It's served our purposes quite well, and other than that, it's been sitting in our driveway while we make payments on it.

Over the weekend, our primary car (the bigger one, the one that lets us carry both kids have room left over for something else) took a giant poop, necessitating a repair job in the immediate future. It needs a new thermostat, a new water pump, and a new timing panel cover. Or so the dealership told us. We had to shell out $100 for them to tell us what was wrong and that it would take $1200 to fix it if we wanted our car by Thanksgiving. We called a friend of ours who knows mechanics, and he told us to tell the dealer to take a hike, and gave us a number. It's still too early for us to call him, but in any case, we are going to have to take the smaller car to my parents' house this weekend.

Now, I can't imagine the kind of person that would enjoy making a 90-mile-plus car ride with the trunk lid bumping loudly every time the car went over a small hill, but I can tell you that I am not one of them, and my wife DEFINITELY isn't one of them. So, I spent Saturday trying to dismantle the latch on the trunk to see what was wrong with it. I couldn't find anything, but I was able to locate a shop in town that had the part. I just want to make sure that it's the part which is malfunctioning, as there is a slight chance that the body of the car itself could be damaged, and that could be causing the latch to fail.

Re-reading that last paragraph, I realize that it actually sounds like I know what I'm talking about. For someone who has sworn up and down that the only thing I know about cars is to put gas in them before the needle hits "E", this is showing some promise.

Sad this morning...

One of the blogs I frequent, I Will Teach You to be Rich, had an article this morning about MLM and similar schemes. While the author, Ramit, was vilifying MLM schemes, he mentioned that he would never destroy a friendship by introducing a sales element into it. I thought of some people that I met through a friend of mine, and later re-met through church. We got along pretty well and stuff, and talked about our common interests.

Then later on, they tried to recruit us for an MLM scheme... I forget the name of it, but it was pretty much "networked marketing"... we buy a starter package of vitamins, buy some other materials, and then we too can become an independent distributor. Not too much pressure, they weren't overbearing, but they made enough follow-up calls that eventually we had to be firm with them and tell them we weren't interested, no really, we weren't interested. Our relationship wasn't really the same after that.

They didn't make any exorbitant promises to us, and one thing I remember was that they both had full-time jobs, as a realtor and a computer network technician... jobs you think would be sufficient to generate a decent income for a young family of five. Well, with three kids, there can never be enough income, but you get my drift. They obviously weren't in it to have a yacht on the side, or to be able to retire to their mansion in the hills... anyway, I'm rambling.

I'm just sad for that family because I know they're probably caught in something that doesn't add a lot of value to their lives, and I wonder how many potential friendships they've traded for income opportunities.

Feels like Autumn.

The sun was shining in my office this morning... directly in my face, as a matter of fact. So, to add to the complete ghetto-ness of my office decor, I have been forced to hang the matching fitted sheet to the bedsheet I have hanging in here already. It's a nice beige color, and now, later in the day (around 12:15), it is dim enough in here that I am finding it almost like autumn in New York when I was growing up... I could almost imagine that it was a nice, crisp 55 degrees outside, although I know it's actually about 85. Sigh...

Me vs. my computer

Oh man... so after I get home from the Scouting trip, I turned on my computer to install XP Pro (I previously had Home). After going through the motions of installing (read: sit and wait), I finally got to the point of Setup where it says "37 minutes remaining". I got up, did something, and came back, and my computer was rebooting. Strange, I never remembered a reboot at this stage of the install, but maybe this time is different.

Oh no. It's stuck in an endless loop of rebooting. I'm screwed.

What do you mean it can't find the boot record on my setup CD?

What's that noise?

In the middle of all this, my power supply (older computer with a PROPRIETARY CASE) decides to make this noise: 'WHIRRRRRRRRBUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZWHIRRRRRRRRRR'

Then the CD-ROM goes: "ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM"

And Matthew says:
"#(*&(#*&$)(@*#)*%)(%*&^_*^&%)(*&$(#*"

The computer eventually stopped rebooting. It actually stopped booting altogether. I had to run to the store and snag a bare-bones system, against my will, and then spend my Saturday evening (with VERY sore legs) assembling and installing it.

The good news, we have a working computer again. Sure, I have to re-install everything (and I mean EVERYTHING), and switch a whole bunch of stuff around because due to circumstances I had to make the old archive drive the master with the boot record, with the big monster drive as the slave... but yeah. It's working. I'm working, and man, am I tired.

Me vs. Boy Scout Troop 337

On Friday we left for a 5.9-mile backpacking excursion starting at Douglas Springs Trailhead, with our destination being the campsites at Douglas Springs. The Scoutmaster, three Scouts, and myself (playing the role of the Assistant Scoutmaster / Token Second Adult Acting as Supervisor) left the meeting point at 2 PM sharp. It was a relatively uneventful hike, with the Scoutmaster being the slowest of the group -- but that turned out to be due to the five gallons of water he decided to bring along, "just in case." About a mile into the trek, he had jettisonned about half of his water, and we continued. The early part of the hike was punctuated by many bathroom breaks by our intrepid Scouts, as well as rest breaks to rest bones and muscles that weren't used to going this far at one time.
At 5:00 PM, the sun started to set, and it was apparent that we were not going to get to camp before nightfall. Flashlights were produced. Cries of "are we there yet?" alternating with "how much longer?" and "what time is it?" echoed through the Rincon Mountains. Alas, our destination was never to be found, as by majority vote, we stopped hiking shortly after 7:00 PM, where a clearing large enough for two tents and a small campfire was located. We camped the night.
In the morning, a hiker came by, and we asked him, jokingly, to tell us on his way back how far the Springs campsite was. We ate breakfast, had a couple of Scout activities, then packed up and commenced the return trip. We had a few factors to our advantage on the return hike: 1) it was downhill most of the way, 2) we knew where we were going, and 3) we could see Tucson from our vantage point in the mountains. After a few minutes, our hiker friend passed us and let us know that the campsite was about 6-8 minutes from where we camped. Ah well.
After much pausing and cajoling our young Scouts to set a good pace so we could reach the trailhead before our rides arrived, we arrived about three hours after breaking camp. It was a good experience, and we were able to bond as a troop.
I've discovered an enthusiasm for Scouting that I didn't know I had, as well as a love of camping. It was a really cool experience, even if my pack wasn't packed the most strategically, and my legs got torn up a bit on the trail. I hiked 12 miles in less than 24 hours. That's pretty good stuff for someone who was the oldest on the expedition, and hadn't walked a large distance in a long time. All in all, a great way to spend my weekend.

What on earth?

Hooray for BBC News...

Plans for human-cow embryos

Wow... OK, first off, this is for stem cell research. The scientists will take cow eggs, strip the genetic information, then add human DNA to get a quasi-human embryo, from which they will harvest stem cells, then destroy the embryo. All of this would take about six days' time.

My grandfather died of Parkinson's, my grandmother of Alzheimer's, and it appears that my mom will have one, the other, or both by the end of her life. I'm in favor of stem cell research because it's helping us unlock various mysteries about the human body, and it has the potential to use the new knowledge to develop cures for diseases and other afflictions.

However, creating a human-cow hybrid? Nuh-uh. That's not natural. There needs to be a way to do this without mixing species. I understand that if a human embryo is used, then the whole "right to life" debate comes into play (I am against abortion for the most part).

Maybe this is a sign that this is not something we should be researching?

Me vs. Gordon Ramsay

Yesterday I went up to Scottsdale to audition for season 3 of the FOX reality show "Hell's Kitchen." It was a very interesting experience. Of course, it's a game, and the game started right when I walked into the hotel. I chose to play the role of the "quiet, unassuming person who will get underestimated", and hopefully they're going to cast someone in that role this year. If they don't, then oh well, I can at least say I tried out. If they do cast someone, then I knocked the audition out of the park. I impressed the casting assistants, I had good camera presence, and doggone it, I'm good-looking enough for a TV show.

We'll see what happens... if they decide to take me to the next step (whatever that is), I will know by the end of the month.

Oh, yeah, I saw Ozzie Guillen at the hotel, too. No idea what he was doing in Scottsdale this far into the offseason, but it was pretty cool. I didn't have the nerve to go up and talk to him, though... I've heard he's a little nuts, and besides, I like giving celebrities their privacy.

And then there were 31...

Went to the dentist on Tuesday to get some cleaning, a filling (first ever!), and one of my wisdom teeth pulled. All I have to say is, kids, BRUSH AND FLOSS. Wow. Getting a tooth pulled -- even an "auxiliary" one -- is no fun whatsoever. And I have to get two more taken care of soon.

Yeah, I'm looking forward to that one. :-(

At least the anaesthesia was fun. My nose and my ear was pretty numb.

Me vs. National Novel Writing Month

NaNoWriMo.org

It's almost November, and it's National Novel Writing Month! 50,000+ words, a finished novel by midnight local time on November 30. I'm getting set up and gearing up for this; with a huge deadline and the motivation to get it done, I have no doubt that I can succeed.

One of the main themes in my life is "apply myself", and I'm working on actually "applying myself" so I can continue to get good things done in my life, grow, develop, and oh yeah, not have 230948108 bazillion different unfinished projects laying about. It's time to still the needle of the compass.

Me vs. Boggle

I am inching closer to completion of the Boggle program. It still has some behaviors that I'm unable to pin down, but I've been able to spend the past few days squashing bugs rather than just chasing them and scratching my head. I've already got a list of things to take care of, in true Getting Things Done fashion, thus keeping myself focused on a bunch of "next steps" rather than just sitting here scratching my head, wondering where to go next.

I'm excited for the completion of this, as it has helped me re-learn a lot of the stuff I've forgotten since "giving up" computer programming over 11 years ago, and is preparing me well for college in the spring. I'm also learning a lot of new stuff, and will hopefully get the hang of this Windows programming stuff. Hopefully by the end of the week I'll have the main engine bugs solved, and then I will be able to start on the user interface stuff -- which means porting the code to Windows, which means no more having to shell to a DOS window (aka a command prompt) so I can run Turbo Pascal 5.5 in emulation mode.

Me vs. my scripture reading goals

I didn't think "me vs. the scriptures" was an appropriate title. :-)

So, I figured out my scripture-reading goals for the rest of the year, and I don't really see how there can be a way that I come up short... well, unless I fail completely to apply myself. Don't really see how that could happen.

Anyway, since a goal isn't a goal until it's written down, I have to read at least one page in the Book of Mormon every day, and at least six pages of other scriptures every day, in order to meet my goal. That's actually not too bad... well, I'm about five or six weeks behind in "other scriptures", so that's disappointing, but let's face it, my old strategy of "do it all Sunday morning" failed miserably a few months ago, and I was rather loath to cast it off. So now, every day before work, read scriptures. That's the long and the short of it. And I will complete my goal!

Me vs. Making a Clean Sweep

It has not all been not reaching goals, however. I have made some progress on Clean Sweep, and although the progress bars aren't updated yet, I have made a good deal of progress. So, without further ado:

Physical Environment

2. My home is clean and tidy. (Vacuumed, wardrobes and drawers organized, desks and tables clear, furniture in good repair; windows clean). (Well, it was before my daughter came home from her visit to the grandparents!)

5. My work environment is productive and inspiring. (Synergistic, ample tools and resources; no undue pressure). <-- I've moved a bunch of stuff around, and most importantly, I've set myself up for success at work!

Well-Being

1. My teeth and gums are healthy. (Have seen dentist in last 6 months). (Yep, and I'm going to see the dentist again on Tuesday -- getting some work done, but other than that, and the other work I need to get done, I am complete on this, since having healthy teeth is a constant work in progress)

3. I have no habits which are unacceptable to me. (Fixed!)

5. I do not suffer.

7. I hear well and protect myself from loud noises / concerts / music. (I'm wearing earplugs at band practice, and try not to have the music on too loud in the car or at work)

Money

2. I know how much I must have to be minimally financially independent and I have a plan to get there. (Getting out of debt!)

4. I have written agreements and am current with payments to individuals or companies to whom I owe money.

Not bad, eh? I'll get the progress bars updated later today, between church meetings.

Tolkien vs. me

Three weeks... ah... well, figured I'd start with the shortest post, so I can get myself back in the swing of things. Life is catching up with me as I struggle to catch up with life.

Book-reading? I've spent the last... six? weeks trying to get through Lord of the Rings -- just the first book, mind you -- and I just can't do it. Granted, for the past three weeks I've been driving to work instead of walking to work, because I couldn't afford a bus pass this month, so I've lost my time to study Italian every morning, and I've also lost my reading time on the bus. I've tried taking some time at work, but really, I just can't get into this book, and it's the third time I've tried.

J.R.R. Tolkien 1, Me 0. And that's how it's going to have to be.

Book Review: Catcher in the Rye

I admit that before I actually read J.D. Salinger's Catcher in the Rye, I knew nothing about it, except that the book had something to do with the death of John Lennon*. Oh, and that it had been banned for a while, as well. But that's pretty much it; it was one of those rare pleasures for me: going into a book with a completely clean slate, not having any opinion of it, nor knowing in advance how it was going to end, nor any other details about the book. OK, so maybe I was worried about the whole Lennon thing.

Imagine my surprise when I found the book to be about Holden Caufield (I knew that), a teenager (didn't know that) who just got kicked out of another private school and now must face the music back at his parents' apartment in New York City, right before the Christmas holiday. As it turns out, the book is a wonderful study of the protagonist's mental state and progressive deterioration over the course of a few days, not into degeneracy as such a book today might be written, but rather into a nervous breakdown.

One can also imagine my surprise when I found myself relating a little bit to Caufield, his life experiences and his view of the world and the people who inhabit it. Essentially, he wants to help the world hang on to its innocence, thus protecting it from the negative influences that are becoming more and more pervasive. He also has a hard time dealing with other people, many of whom he perceives as "phonies" who put on a face for other people. Paradoxically, it should be noted that Caufield is an accomplished liar, although he justifies it as just messing around with other people, or having some fun.

Holden's desperation through the novel mounts, as does the tension near the end, as the inevitable finally happens. It's in the last few pages that I found the book to be the most compelling and gripping, actually deviating from the prearranged schedule of "reading this on the bus only" to sneaking reads at it around the house (again, with apologies to my poor wife). A very good read, with an interesting look at the character of people through the eyes of a young man. It can be imagined that many people today who feel disaffected for one reason or another, myself included, can relate very well to young Mr. Caufield, although hopefully it doesn't lead to a nervous breakdown, but rather to an opportunity to discuss feelings with peers and other like-minded people, and form a support network.

I'm about to start going completely off-topic here, so I'm going to stop. Highest recommendation for this book, as anyone who has ever felt disaffected with society or other people can get something out of it. With the way attitudes have changed-yet-stayed-the-same since the book was written, Catcher in the Rye remains a relevant, important work of literature in our day.

* Mark David Chapman was holding a copy of Catcher when he shot Lennon.

Wow

Been a while...

Not a lot of stuff has been going on... which is interesting to note since it's obviously been a long, long time since I've updated the blog with anything significant. We're in the middle of General Conference again, and aside from the Saturday afternoon session being extremely difficult to follow, it's been exceptional. President Hinckley last night gave an excellent discourse on the Lord's charge to the men of the Church to improve themselves and their situation. It's really a topic that's been "near and dear" to me for this whole year, and it really hit home, especially with everything that's been going on recently.

Never did post that book review of the first book that I read, and although I'm going to have to renew the second book in order to finish it before it's due, I still feel like I'm making progress.

The writing has stalled somewhere in the middle of the second chapter. I just haven't had the time to write. It's a shame, really. I'd like to have more time, but other than depriving myself of even more sleep, I don't think that's going to happen.

Couldn't afford a bus pass this month, so Italian is going to be on hold for a while as well... I suppose I could listen and practice in the car on the way to/from work, though.

Back to improving myself: I found a bunch of links via Lifehacker for free online college courses. I looked them over, and since I am taking a Statistics course on Fridays this month (courtesy of my job), I've decided that, if I like the course, to review my decision to stop taking Computer Science courses. I mean, I've always liked telling computers what to do (they're often the only thing that will listen - ha!), and there are some good courses online for me to take and get myself up to speed with programming languages. I then would like to post an online resume at some of the webspace reserved for me, maybe work on some open source projects (I know there are some things I would like to see added to Gaim and MS Outlook!), and get my name out there in the programming community. Then, from there -- an entry-level programmer's job? Freelancing part-time? I know that I can't imagine myself working for Intuit for the rest of my life, as good as they've been to me, even though it's been largely a case of "right place at the right time" for me, and I couldn't be more thrilled with it, I can also feel that ennui setting in already with this job, which is a darn shame. Who knows, maybe once things pick up again, I'll be able to start taking on more work at that job, because I missed a lot of opportunities due to being away for a couple of months, and still with things hectic around here, I'm missing a lot of opportunities, I can tell. Not that I should be given the option to take on every new responsibility that comes the team's way, but there are things that others are doing that I would at least like to learn how to do. Maybe.

OK, that was a long paragraph. Let's see, what else is going on? I'm still catching up on scripture reading. I need to read about two pages per day in the Book of Mormon in order to finish it by the end of the year, which is an awesomely realistic and manageable goal (especially since I find it impossible to read ONLY two pages when I do read it). Still catching up with the Doctrine and Covenants, but I only have maybe 20-25 pages to read in there to get myself caught up. I'm either caught up or two chapters away from being caught up on the Old Testament reading I'm doing, as well. So, good.

I also can't not talk about last weekend, when I had the marvelous privilege of baptizing one of my Primary students, Olivia, and then on Sunday blessing Stephen. It was a very spiritually powerful weekend for me, as baptism and confirmation of someone who is not family was interesting, as I really found myself listening to the Spirit to make sure Olivia got the blessing that she deserved, and that the Lord wanted to give her. And Stephen's blessing is almost impossible for me to describe. Dustin returning from his brain surgery, Jeff and Daniel assisting, as well as my home teacher Jason (whom I've given many opportunities to magnify his calling as of late), Josh, a recently-ordained Elder who I worked with a lot in my calling as Priests' Quorum Advisor, and Bishop standing in the circle... it was all very comforting. The microphone not working wasn't as comforting, but I was confident that I could use my dormant theater skills to project my voice to the congregation. The actual ordinance went well, and much smoother than Elizabeth's (when I forgot how it went), however, once I got to the blessing portion, it was as if something hit me out of nowhere. And I know what that feeling was: it was a feeling that after all the time spent in the hospital, away from home, at home, dealing with doctors, nurses, specialists, and so on... after all that, Stephen was here to stay, and we could go to bed at night without fear of whether he'd be there in the morning or not. I was able to release my very closely-held feelings and actually unwind a bit, finally. We know we're not done with his special care, not by a long shot, but we also know that it's going to get a lot easier.

Another long paragraph... this is what I get for not posting for a week and a half. I think I'm going to stop here. I'm pretty sure I've done some stuff on the Clean Sweep that I can talk about, but that merits its own post, and I can finally update those status bars, too. Same thing with the book review. I have it all set, however, that too merits its own post.

I've tried starting an opinion blog ("My Opinion of Everything") to help me with the writing, but as you may have guessed, I have little to no time to keep that maintained, which is a crying shame, because I'm pretty sure I've got some good stuff in there. Pity dailyblastoff.com isn't still up, with all my article archives on there, I could just mine that for material until things picked up.

Until later...

Inspirational Quote

"Whatever you do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it."
-Goethe

Getting Things Done

I'm getting things done. Honest. I'm just not writing about them.

Once again updating first thing on Sunday morning was thwarted by something unexpected: in this case, it was spending the night in the hospital with Stephen, who had an apnea episode on Saturday afternoon. A little scary for everyone involved, but we all pulled through successfully.

So: catching up on the eternal black hole that is my scripture reading goal. I'm working on it, it's a matter of staying current with my reading (I started the Old Testament last week) and catching up where I'm lacking (mostly in the Doctrine and Covenants). I also need to set a number-of-pages-per-day goal to finish the Book of Mormon this year to keep me motivated. It's not that I'm not motivated to read the scriptures, it's that I tend to make time for other things first.

Lots of projects going for me right now, as usual. I've got most of the first chapter of my murder mystery written, as the other book is necessarily on hold until some people actually return my interview questionnaire. But re: the murder mystery, I've got a good concept, and a good setting, and am working on the character development right now. Best yet, I've already got a killer, a victim, and a motive. I've been writing longhand as I can actually do this while in the living room, or while I'm waiting for Elizabeth to fall asleep. This eliminates the excuse of me not having enough time, or resources, etc.

Just saying...

Oh my word, am I tired.

That's it; I got nothing else.

And now a life update...

Hey look at me! I'm a Zoo Tycoon! Well, at least I'm getting there, having received the game as a gift on Friday, and having spent a couple of days fiddling with it, playing through the tutorials and some scenarios. Pretty neat stuff, really entertaining. Eventually I might have time to sit and work some more on it, but I've been really busy as of late.

On the second job front: still no word from anybody, and of course what hit me last night was that it would be much easier for me to work an extra hour a day than go find a second job. And, just as profitable, actually. There's plenty of work for me to do at work, so I will focus on that, and when that goes away, it will be time for me to get job #2. But I don't believe that that will be sooner than six months from now. Problem fixed at my end!

I feel bad for my poor wife because sometimes I can get very wrapped up in things. Case in point: Checked out Agatha Christie's "Curtain" -- a book I have been meaning to read for a long, long time -- from the library yesterday. Of course, I finished it last night. My wife got upset with me because I wouldn't "put the book down and acknowledge that she and my daughter were in the room". Well, what I want to know is, my daughter was climbing all over me, and all my wife was doing was watching a baseball game on TV, which I could do while reading the book! Where's the problem? Great book, by the way. I'm not going to count it as one of the 25, as it's not on the list.

And I really need to get caught up with my scripture reading, too... starting the Old Testament this week, if I recall correctly... I can still make my goal of reading the entire Standard Works in one year, but I have to play a bit of catchup. I can do it, though... just need to focus and put my nose to the grindstone, as it were.

I can unequivocally state that I am making progress on the whole "Clean Sweep" thing. Other than the two I updated earlier, I can also add "My workspace is inspiring, tranquil, etc." to the completed side of the fence. I have rearranged my space at work again (with a nice new flatscreen monitor, woohoo!), as well as finally moving my computer space out of the nursery and into the back room, which not only allows me to work more often on the computer, but I can also get up early and get some daily writing in.

Of course, since I dropped my cereal bowl this morning after sleepily staggering into the bookshelves, maybe getting up earlier isn't the greatest thing in the world. :-)

General Update

While I'm not turning out to be an inveterate diarist by any means, I do wish to keep this up on a semi-regular basis. So, naturally, I aim to throw as many things on my project pile as possible, so I can have a good excuse in case my writing ever peters out.

Interestingly enough, the latest project is a writing project. I know, I know... it's stunning. But after all, I do consider myself a writer by profession, even though I have yet to get any paying gigs. And what do writers do? They write!

Monday was the fifth anniversary of the 9/11/2001 terrorist attacks on New York and Washington. A couple of the news stations were running coverage of the actual event in real time-- starting at 8:30, they just rolled tape of their coverage starting at 8:30 five years ago. It was an interesting concept, and while I was originally loathe towards the whole idea, thinking it crass and encouraging people to not "let go" (different from moving on), on Sunday I thought different.

Sunday I realized that with all the coverage going on, there was one voice that wasn't being heard: mine. Nowhere were the media talking about young people who were abroad for whatever reason while the attacks occured, stayed abroad for a couple of years afterwards, and thusly came home to a completely different world. There's a disconnect with people like that... with people like me. I always felt that I could never relate to the country, especially people who felt so strongly about the 9/11 attacks, since I only saw maybe 30 seconds of media coverage, and most of it was the year after the attacks.

I decided to make my voice heard. There would be a novel, semi-autobiographical, written: it would chronicle the journey of a young man who was abroad and has that disconnect with the attacks, yet through the years and coming to terms with them, and through other experiences, realizes what it means to be a patriot -- to truly love one's country, and also comes to terms with the attacks and what they truly meant.

The coverage gave me an opportunity I would most likely never get again: the opportunity to relive that day, not walking down a street in France, but rather at work, listening to the news, and waiting with bated breath for the next images and words to come through. I was at a disadvantage, of course: I knew everything that was going to happen in advance, but it was still a good exercise for me. I learned a lot, and it has given me more ideas for the book.

I am interviewing some old friends of mine -- some Americans, some not -- about their experiences with 9/11 and other generally-related concepts. Hopefully I will reap the fruits of those labors soon.

Very good stuff here. Do I think I'm writing the next Great American Novel? No. Am I just selling out to capture a slice of the commercialism pie that has been running rampant for the last five years? Also, no. And thank goodness for that, too... commercialism of certain things really disgusts me. So we'll see. I'm getting an outline together, as well as a cast of characters. I'm pleased with the project.

Other things have happened as well since last Friday, but I want to cover that in a separate post. So, when I get to work, I'll post again.

Things I want to do before 9/8/2007

Now is as good a time as any to revisit some goals and create new ones for the upcoming (birth) year. Hey, I'm a goal-oriented person looking to constantly improving myself, so... why not?

First off is going to be a couple of ideas from the "25/25/25" blog that I previously mentioned.

I have obtained from a friend of mine who had a collection of "essential knowledge" books a reading list, featuring many classic books that ideally should be read by the end of high school. Since I only went to high school for three years and did not get a lot of reading done while I was there, there is a lot missing. I do not know off the top of my head how long the list is, however, I can confidently state that I have not read at least 25 of those books. So, starting with books on that list that I have not read, I will read 25 books before 9/8/2007. I will even cheat, as I am currently reading a book on that list, and have been for a few days now. If I get more than 25, great, if not, well, then that's good too. I am going to throw myself at the mercy of the local library for this one, but I will also take responsibility to ensure that I have an adequate amount of books ready to read... i.e. I always have something checked out or ready to pick up on reserve.

I will also select 25 movies from the IMDB Top 100, again, ones that I haven't seen, and watch those. This may be more difficult for me, as I do not want to watch any R-rated movies, however, I'm confident that I can watch a movie every two weeks or so to accomplish this goal. I have some gift certificates, but I also have other resources to which I can apply myself to accomplish this goal.

The 25 cultural events I will not commit myself at this time, however, there is a wonderful local independent newspaper which advertises all of this stuff, so it is not beyond the realm of expectation that I should at least be informed of what is going on in this city. We will work as a family to attend as many cultural events as feasible, with an emphasis on Saturday afternoons. Besides, it's cooler outside. Much, much cooler. It's hard to get things done when one feels like they're standing on the sun.

I'll post the list of movies in the near future. Books, I think, will have to be done more by personal preference, as I am someone who tends to read according to my mood: I've never been one to sit down and force myself to read something, but if I enjoy reading something, you can't take me away from the book (just ask my poor wife).

I feel good about this. So good, in fact, that I can make the commitment to post a little blurb about the book, with insights and what have you, upon completion. I will do my best to refrain from reading others' reviews or "why I should read this book"s, so I can form my own independent judgment and see if I can make this a part of my own personal literacy.

Cultural Literacy

I might have talked about this before, however, I haven't really done anything about it except get a book out which I never really read. Anyway, "Cultural literacy" -- or the things that people who write expect their audience to know -- has become a big thing for me, not only because I feel that my education as a youth was stunningly lacking in the liberal arts, but also because I feel I would need to know this in the event that I find myself on a quiz show in the future.

I have found a website which recreates some cultural literacy evaluations which are found in a popular book on the subject, and another website which has another authoritative book online. It's definitely something for me to do in my spare time, for example, as I sit here at work waiting for documents to scan. :-) I've taken some of the evaluations, and I did OK, however, there are some tests that I do not feel comfortable at all (world literature, for example) taking. I'll have to read up on those sections in the New York Times Book of General Knowledge that I have.

I'm glad to see that this isn't an isolated pursuit of mine only, that there are other people out there willing to enrich themselves and pursue other knowledge. There is a website called "25/25/25" where the authors endeavor to read 25 books, watch 25 movies, and attend 25 cultural events over the course of one year. That's a pretty good goal, and while I don't see myself doing that (it's hard to get out of the house when you have no money and two small children!), I can at least do some of the things which would cost less money, such as reading books. I can also prepare at least a list of movies that I would like to see. The books is a good goal, as I have lots of dead time on the bus every day, and in fact have begun doing some reading already.

So... this is turning into another goals post, so I'm just going to go ahead and continue this idea in another post.

Clean Sweep Update

I was planning on doing these weekly, but I have made some progress and wanted to update it today. I'll move the updates on Clean Sweep to the weekly goals and review posts I am going to start on Sundays again.

Well-Being
6. I walk or exercise at least three times per week. With the start of me working at the office again, I am now walking at least two miles a day, five days a week. This week will only be three, due to Monday being the holiday and today being stormy, but that's at least three times per week, and I feel good about it. I'm using my walking time to get caught up on learning Italian, by listening to audio lessons. On the bus, I'm reading a book from a book list that I had laying around. Basically, it's "Every Book I Should Have Read in High School, But Didn't." Current book is J.D. Salinger's Catcher in the Rye. So far, so good. OK, end of tangent.

Money
8. My assets (car, home, possessions, treasures) are well-insured. Yes -- my car is now insured, and it feels great being able to legally drive everywhere again, rather than driving as incognito as possible. Great weight lifted off my shoulders, even though it took money away from other things that are just as necessary/important, it's a good thing.

Making a clean sweep of things

Clean Sweep Assessment

I had done this before, but neglected to really track it. Again, since the birthday is coming up soon, I thought it would be good to see where I stood. I know the biggest challenge are for me will be "Money", as I have none at the moment, but even in there I can still do some things.

I've also noticed that some of the items in here are very general and could use some elaboration. More importantly, I've noticed that there are some items on here which would be true, I'm sure, if I paid more attention to them. Anyway, an interesting exercise, and although it's 3 AM now that I'm done with the post, I feel good.

• Physical Environment: Total: 16/25


1. My car is in excellent condition. (Doesn't need mechanical work, repairs, cleaning or replacing)


2. My home is clean and tidy. (Vacuumed, wardrobes and drawers organized, desks and tables clear, furniture in good repair; windows clean).


3. I consistently have adequate time, space and freedom in my life.


4. I am not tolerating anything about my home or work environment.


5. My work environment is productive and inspiring. (Synergistic, ample tools and resources; no undue pressure).


6. I back up my hard drive at least monthly.


7. My bed is made daily.


8. I drink at least 2 liters of water a day.


9. I have nothing around the house or in storage that I do not need.


• Well-Being: Total: 18/25


1. My teeth and gums are healthy. (Have seen dentist in last 6 months).


2. My weight is within my ideal range.


3. I have no habits which are unacceptable to me.


4. I have just the right amount of sleep.


5. I do not suffer.


6. I walk or exercise at least three times per week.


7. I hear well and protect myself from loud noises / concerts / music.


• Money: Total: 12/25


1. I currently save at least 10% of my income.


2. I know how much I must have to be minimally financially independent and I have a plan to get there.


3. I have returned or made-good-on any money I borrowed.


4. I have written agreements and am current with payments to individuals or companies to whom I owe money.


5. I have 6 months' living expenses in an easily accessible account.


6. I live on a weekly budget which allows me to save and not suffer.


7. I currently live well, within my means.


8. My assets (car, home, possessions, treasures) are well-insured.


9. I have a financial plan for the next year.


10. My will is up-to-date and accurate.


11. I am on a career / professional / business track which is or will soon be financially and personally rewarding.


12. I am putting aside enough money each month to reach financial independence.


13. My earnings outpace inflation, consistently.


• Relationships: Total: 22/25


1. I put people first and results second.


2. I receive enough love from people around me to feel good.


3. I have fully forgiven those people who have hurt/damaged me, intentional or not.

Total score: 69/100

Choices I've made

So basically I'm fed up with the direction my life has been going recently -- granted, a lot of it has been not under my control for a while now, but... I am working to change that. Firstly, I've decided that I'm not going to be intimidated by anything anymore. That's an emotional response that I feel that I can control. I don't think I'm currently intimidated by anything in specific, but I know that there are some things that in the past have caused me concern, and I feel that I can conquer that.

Secondly, I'm getting the six-pack out of the fridge. I just took a health assessment this morning, and that (and my clothes, heh) suggest that I could stand to lose a few pounds. So, I'm going to work on getting the fat out of my diet, and out of my body. That means more exercise as well as a better diet. So, I'm going to figure out a way to get me some exercise, instead of constantly making excuses as to why I don't get it done.

Thirdly, I'm going to make an effort to be more useful. What does that mean? It means that I'm going to be less lazy and more productive, and really apply myself to the things that need to get done around the house and in my life. I know that's something I can easily take care of: things like fixing the front door (it's crooked), getting things taken care of out in the AZ room to make it more of a fitting office for me, getting my scriptures read, and most importantly, not half-assing anything I do. I've been able to get by with that, but it's a new month, a new week, and most importantly, a new year (for me at least)... I should be mature enough to motivate myself and get the job done right.

This is somewhat disjointed, I know, but it's really something that needs to get done, and I'm sick of stewing about it.

(EDIT: Holy poop on a stick, that's a lot of typos.)

yet another financial kick in the junk

We are working with our bishop to get our debts paid off and our family back on a viable budget. Certain things are going to happen, such as me getting a second job (went out and pounded the pavement yesterday for that), and other expenses are going to have to be cut. Like what, I don't know... we don't have any unnecessary expenses.

Anyway, today I got my annual bonus from work -- a sizeable sum that would have paid off two credit cards. We were pretty excited about it, and looking forward to getting a couple of monkeys off our back.

Turns out the bonus is taxed. I was expecting that, but since I'm in such a low tax bracket it wouldn't make that much of a difference. WRONG. Buried in the tax code, under "supplemental income", is a provision that requires employers to withhold a certain percentage of taxes from the bonus, regardless of the individual's tax status. Since I'm not officially exempt from taxes (I just don't have to pay all that much), I got a bunch of taxes withheld. Like, just over 40% of my bonus check after all was said and done.

Now, we can't even pay ONE card off, and I look like a complete schmuck since I have to renege on two promises with creditors that I've been fighting with for a few months now.

Yeah, life sucks. But at least I get to do something constructive about it.

I'm going to write my congressman about the stupid tax code, and request a refund of the interest I would have earned on the money, had I put it in a savings account rather than had it taxed. Since I'm going to get the taxes back at the end of the year anyway, this is just an interest-free loan to the government.

So, in short:

• Stupid government
• Stupid employers for not allowing me to apply for a partial refund of the taxes that were taken out. My last job would have let me do that.
• Stupid me for not asking ahead of time how much I should expect to be taken out.

Another thankless job I have

Agree with thine adversary quickly, whiles thou art in the way with him; lest at any time the adversary deliver thee to the judge, and the judge deliver thee to the officer, and thou be cast into prison. - Matthew 5:25

Two nights ago the family decides to go to Target to get some baby stuff that we didn't get at the shower, but instead received a gift card for. As we are getting the kids out of the car, there is a sudden commotion between my wife (on the passenger side) and the driver of the car parked next to us. Apparently, there is a scratch and a small dent on the door of the other car that wasn't there before she went to Target. The driver claims that it was our door wedged up against her door as she pulled away that caused this scratch and dent. My wife gets into an argument with the lady, who gets a phone call and drives just outside of the parking lot on a side street to field it. We go into Target and talk about it, and I mention that I want to keep an eye outside for a second since the lady didn't drive completely away. Sure enough, she pulls up to our car again.

I ran outside and knocked on the lady's window. We're both pleading our cases to no avail. Granted, I didn't see anything happen because I was on the other side of the car, but I still have to stick up for my wife. It was in the middle of all this that I finally hit the proverbial wall. I apologize to the lady, who really is more indignant about being told that she didn't see what she saw than anything else, and explain to her what's been going on with our family for the past few weeks, and tell her that we've been under a lot of stress and nerves are a bit more frayed than usual and tempers are shorter than usual. The lady relates some of her story to me (she has a son in Iraq), and we talk about that. I sympathize with the stress she is under and with the undue stress of now having to drive home in Tucson traffic in addition to everything that just happened in the parking lot. We chuckle over that, I introduce myself and ask for her son's name, and tell her (sincerely) I hope her son comes home soon. She thanks me and says she's not going to write down our license plate number anymore, and drives off after bidding me good night.

In short: I went out there and literally let it all hang out emotionally over a SCRATCH IN SOMEONE'S PAINT, which would have caused serious problems as we are having some car issues right now, and it would have resulted in serious legal and financial troubles.

I return to the store, tell my wife what happened, and immediately get into trouble because she thinks I went out there and blamed her for the damage to the lady's car. Which is clearly not the case, but I can't argue that. In fact, when I did argue that, I got the same dismissal that I usually get when my wife claims I'm not making any effor to understand her.

Argh.

Me and my OCD

So yeah, I'll admit it. I have obsessive-compulsive disorder. It's not big by any means, I don't do counting, and I don't have to touch things in a certain order. BUT... I do have to be clean. Like, wash my hands after I touch each ingredient in the kitchen while preparing dinner clean. I know I didn't always have this. Here's an example from today:

I am feeding my son while my wife is working with the nurse who comes over periodically to check on him. Meanwhile, my daughter comes up to investigate, and starts dripping her bottle down my leg. Nothing serious, just a couple of drops, but it starts to bug me. So, my wife comes over and, instead of cleaning off my leg, SMEARS THE MILK ON MY LEG. She calls this, apparently, "cleaning it up." I am now reduced to sitting there literally BEGGING for a Kleenex so my leg can be clean, but she's too busy laughing at me. Finally, after about five minutes, she gets a Kleenex and wipes off my leg, proclaiming it a "waste of a Kleenex" because the milk was already dry.

I could sit here and justify why my leg still needed to be cleaned all day, but I'm not going to do that. Instead, I'm going to just grumble a little bit on how my wife didn't take me seriously. OK, I'm done now.

It's strange, I think it has to do with a greasy feeling only, because today I was also working in the yard without gloves, and would have to pick up bits of grass and such to put in the trashcan. Didn't faze me one bit, although I did take a shower immediately after finishing, but that was normal: I was dripping with sweat.

Here are some of the things that happen to me to suggest that I have OCD:

• Have to wash hands after handling virtually every ingredient while preparing a meal -- not just the raw meats


• I check the door locks at least twice each night before going to bed, and at least once during the day


• Notwithstanding the door locks being checked, I will lay awake at night thinking I hear noises and being terrified that there is someone in my house who is going to harm my family or myself. This has nothing to do with the baby being home, or being a parent: I've felt this way since moving to Arizona.

As I've mentioned, although not on this blog, I don't really believe in taking medications for mental problems. I feel that the pharmeceutical industry is taking advantage of many "diagnoses" provided by doctors to come up with a "take a pill and solve your problems" solution for nearly every problem in life. I don't want our society to go in that direction.

I know that I am prone to bouts of depression as well, some more serious than others, but I believe that if I had made better life choices a few years ago (namely, not going into serious debt), I would be happier overall. Plus, I've had bouts with low self-esteem (my entire childhood), and although I thought I had that beat, it still surfaces from time to time. It's strange -- I'm a person that I know can have a good time when I'm just being myself, but I have a hard time being myself around my family. My friends, no problem. But just my family - including my wife - I have a hard time being myself around. It's strange, but I know that leads to a lot of "fight or flight" instinctual responses, as well as stages where I'm depressed. Go fig.

Anyway, I had to put this post away for a couple of hours, and a lot of stuff's happened since then. I'll write more tomorrow.

Life, the Universe, and Everything... or maybe just life.

We realized a few weeks ago that we are, to put it mildly, in dire financial straits. And that's putting it mildly! Anyway, over the past two weeks, we've been meeting with different leaders in the ward to help us get back on our feet. Our Bishop has been especially gracious with his time, taking about 5 hours over the past week or so to meet with us, sit down with all of our bills, and help us figure out exactly where the money coming in should go. He's also worked with the Relief Society president to get us some commodities from the Bishop's Storehouse which will get us through the next couple of weeks, as all of our money is earmarked to getting our delinquent payments caught back up. Members of the ward have also been bringing by dinner for us for the past week to help us stay as focused as possible on getting life into a routine around here.

Bishop's made some suggestions, like me getting a second job to cover the car payment(s) until we can sell one or both of them. I don't mind getting a second job, although obviously I won't be home that much if I'm working one. I'm thinking of expanding my bass lessons, or even teaching French to the one or two people in Arizona who might want to learn it. :-) I can do either one of those from home, which would be a good thing as it would keep me off the road and at home where I ideally would be if we were, you know, financially solvent.

Another option is to get a job nearby, at a place that I can walk to if absolutely necessary. That would mean something like Fry's, Golden Corral, or another fast-food restaurant on 22nd between Broadway and Alvernon. I seriously doubt that Beaver's would take me back, and besides, I probably wouldn't want to work there, seeing as how I've developed a lot professionally since then. I can, however, put up signs there and at Guitar Center advertising lessons.

So, some changes to the blog will come soon. I'm going to work on doing some bar graphs to fill up how much of each debt is paid off, to motivate me when I come here. I might start up a "teaching bass" blog as well, although to tie it in with the website that I would have to develop for the "school", that would be different. I don't want an e-mail address, plus two separate website addresses cluttering the bottom of my business cards, you know?

So, let's give the bass school a shot. You never know. And I feel the best about it, and I hope and pray that the Lord will bless me with students enough to be able to support my family.

In the meantime, I've got a budget to work out. Dave Barry wrote a few years ago that what his family was on wasn't strictly a budget, it was more of a modified version of the Bataan Death March. I can completely relate, as we are literally counting pennies to get where we need to go.

words I've learned recently

Here are two words that I've learned recently that have helped me understand a few things. They're both German, but I don't think that's a coincidence or anything like that.

bildungsroman - a novel which chronicles the story of a single individual's growth. For example, Ender's Game and its sequels are a series of bildungsroman.

Schadenfreude - no direct English translation, it means "taking pleasure in another's misfortune." I understand that one completely, and have a big problem with it, in the fact that I think that is what a lot of the humor in today's society is based on, and that's, as my daughter would say, "yucky."

another goal completed

Today, after a long struggle, I finally acheived something I've been working at for the previous few weeks: beat Minesweeper on expert level. It took me just over six minutes (6:04 to be exact), but I got it done without blowing myself up! I feel pretty good about it, although I know I can do better.

I know I should be working on other things, as I have a lot that I need to do, but this computer's still in Stephen's room, and I need to be quiet. Of course, Michelle just informed me that she can hear my typing in the living room. Oh well... later on the computer will be moved...

one for the family album

We're all home! And man, does it feel weird. It's definitely a lot more work...

another storm rolls through

And with it, I take another pretty picture...

Argh

I enjoy working from home, I really do... but if I have to wake up again to OMG TEH CHARMED ONES!!~!~~ one more morning, I think I'm going to scream. We had cable turned off because it was too expensive, but it was never "turned off" -- so now we get free cable, and TNT's "Primetime in the Daytime" is the devil.

Someone please save me.

Week 32 Results

Hey, cool... completely forgot yesterday morning to update the goals. I guess that's what a few weeks out of ahabit will get you. It's strange how much time it takes to get into a hablit, but falling out of it is a lot easier and faster.

1. I did read all the scriptures I wanted to this week, and some more!


2. Yep.


3. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA... haven't had time. That's on our list though, somewhere. Maybe tonight we'll get that done.


4. Done. It's a sad state of affairs.


5. There are things out there, but this just got bumped waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down on the priority list.

And that's about it. Got some other things done, as well... I realized I've just been sitting on my list of things to do that I made before Michelle went to Phoenix, and if I was bored or directionless, I could always pull something off of that and get it done. So, on Saturday, my friend came over with his AWESOME TOOLS OF EXTREME MANLINESS~! and we got a lot of stuff done, viz.:

1. Swapped the futon and the recliner.


2. Built and hung a small shelf in the living room for the telephone (finally out of the Girl's reach! Wooohooo!)


3. Those cabinet latches? They're on many of the cabinets now. Not all of them, because some cabinets still need to be straightened out... but most of them.

I like making lists.
More lists of goals later. And, I'm redesigning the blog again. Just because. :-)

The Budding Artist

 

Hooray for washable crayons! She also got the door and a couple of tables before we realized what had happened. Yeeks. 

There is a storm brewing...

 

Here is a picture taken from our driveway, showing the contrasting Tucson skies with a storm only seconds away. I was getting wet less than a minute after I snapped this photo. 


This photo is taken from the same place, with me facing the other direction.


Another photo, taken aiming over the roof towards the west.

Train keeps a-rollin'

So I am leaving the hospital after visiting the Little Man today, and I realize I failed to take chicken out of the freezer for dinner this evening. No problem, I'll just call home on the cell phone and ask my wife to do it.

*ring*
"We're sorry, the number you have dialed is not in service."

What? I try again, this time adding the area code. Same result.

Looks like the phone company shut off our phone due to a lack of payment. I check the records, and sure enough, it looks like we haven't paid since May, but missed the disconnect notice in that huge stack of mail that we got while we were up in Phoenix.

I call the phone company, and explain the situation. Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do to get the amount due reduced, as the phone is already disconnected. Poop.

We had enough to cover the past due amount, but now we have just over $13.00 in the ol' checking account to get us through until the 19th. And, the car needs gas. Crap.

I hate being flat broke. At least we're broke with a telephone, but still... this sucks. Something's going to happen soon where we will not be able to get something done because of this, and I'm nervous.

Week 32 (8/6/06-8/12/06) Goals

I'm so out of it, I had to get a calendar and count weeks to see where exactly I was in the year. Well, it's been a crazy month, what can I say?

I'm not going to try and play catch-up for all the scripture reading that I missed, at least not immediately. I'll have some time here and there to fill in the gaps, but I'm not going to kill myself reading and reading and reading, either.

So, without further ado, here is what I would like to get accomplished this week:

1. Read D&C 124-132


2. Read Helaman 4 - 3 Nephi 3 (Summer Book of Mormon project)

And on a less spiritual level:

3. Take an inventory of the foodstuffs that we have around the house. Our refrigerator and freezer are actually whiteboard-marker safe(!!!), so perhaps keeping a list of what we have frozen is in order, especially now that we have a lot of stuff in there and it's easy to lose track.


4. Get all of our bills together.


5. The sound from the television seems to be inconsistent -- well, more inconsistent than usual. Since we don't have cable anymore, I can't call Cox and ask them for a box that I can run between the cable and the TV... so, it's time to figure out how to work it so the TV sound comes through the stereo, at minimal cost. So, either Radio Shack has something, or I'm kludging something together out of parts.

We'll see how things go. I'm probably going to change my blog around somehow, or at least put up a website to go with it, as some of the things on here I feel would be better suited in a website environment.

Yikes

OK, so in a couple of days I'm going to get back to goal-setting... been home a week now and everything has somewhat gone by the wayside. The routine is starting to get better, though, and I'll have more time to get things done, although it seems I'm spending a lot of time on the computer. Of course, that could be the whole "working from home" thing -- it seems like a lot of time is getting spent in this room.

So, the bills are starting to roll in for our son's hospital stay. I hope hope hope that our insurance will cover it, and if not, the financial aid from the hospital (PCH) will cover it. We got a letter from the air transport company, and even though they said our insurance would cover it, or the financial aid would cover it, it's still a bill for $21,000 in the mail, and geez -- I don't think I've ever paid that much for anything. College was cheaper.

So, our fingers are crossed. The collection agencies are calling, and we're behind. It's wonderful watching all of our money just... dry up. Yeah.

Holy poop on a stick am I tired

You would think that we've got it pretty easy... I get to work from home, we spend some time each day visiting the hospital, my wife's main responsibility is to express milk, and the Relief Society is helping us out with meals. That's it... that's the list.

But man oh man are we beat. The Girl is cutting some more teeth and refuses to be comforted, medicated, or anything else. It's been nothing but straight whining and crying for the past day and a half, and Mommy's nerves are starting to wear thin, to the point where I think we're all going to hit a wall here if this keeps up much longer. None of us are sleeping well, and since the Girl has got a runny nose and is very hot to the touch, we can't leave her with a babysitter for us to get a break. Hopefully things will clear up today or tomorrow where we can go dump her off somewhere so we can relax. Knowing my wife, though, she's not going to want to sleep, she's going to want to take advantage of that time to do stuff. When the Girl is sleeping, I'm going to instruct her to take a nap as well. Because if she doesn't nap, and then starts talking about how tired she is, I'm going to lose it. I know how the conversation is going to go: "Please sleep." "I can't, I have too much to do." "No, you have two responsibilities, and one is to rest, please rest." "I can't rest, I have too much on my mind..." ARGH. I'm dreading it already.

Yesterday had to return a book to the library, so I quickly checked to see if there were any Agatha Christie novels that I hadn't read, so I picked up "Cards on the Table", which I knew had a very interesting plot, and I wanted to see how it would go. I have to admit that I was somewhat disappointed, as one of the main clues was a bridge scoresheet, and since I have no knowledge of bridge whatsoever, it put me at somewhat of a disadvantage in solving the crime. But other than that, it was a good book.

A Game of One-Upsmanship

Well... it doesn't get much better than tonight. We were invited to a friend's house for games with another couple that we usually hang out with. It wasn't a friend's house, it was one they were house-sitting. And I wouldn't call this a "house", either. This house is 7500 square feet, and easily... easily over $1,000,000. The kitchen was entirely commercial grade, the TV room was obscene, the pool was great. They even had a trampoline in the back yard, flush with the ground. I don't think it was made for a 200-pound man doing butt-drops on it, though. :-) I hit bottom once; not a good feeling.

So yesterday was the day of doom for driving, and I thought it was going to be the story to top all stories. Not so. My friend, who works at a bank, was robbed a couple of weeks ago. Pretty scary experience for her, and I don't blame her one bit.

Anyway, a good time was had by all, and I got to test out the new windshield wipers on the way home... it's indeed monsoon season.

Back in Tucson, this time for good...

...but it took a long time to get there. Oh, man.

Woke up this morning to a thunderstorm outside. I figured, OK, it's early, and it never storms in the morning.

It may never storm, but by the time we got on the road at 8:30, it was still raining.

At about 8:40, my windshield wipers started to fail. So now I am driving, with a deadline, in rush hour, with limited visibility. So far, so good.

We navigate the heavy traffic and get to the hospital with time to spare. Drop Michelle off at 9:30, and we're off to Tucson!

10:30 - We're at Casa Grande, and I'm starting to regret not getting the blades at least looked at. The rain had let up for a while, but is back to being a nuisance.

10:31 - Phone call from Michelle. They're having maintenance problems with the plane that's supposed to fly Stephen, so they have to change to a chopper. No big deal, except now she can't fly with him, so can I turn around and come get her please? I ask her to call my parents, but no dice: they don't want to bring her to Tucson. Can't blame them, really.

10:40 - Go to Wal-Mart in Casa Grande and get wiper blades.

10:41 - Install wiper blades.

10:41:01 - The rain has stopped falling for the day. Haven't seen a drop since, and it's 9 1/2 hours later. Ah well.. it's not like wiper blades are a bad investment. It's bound to rain again sometime this year, right?

12:05 Arrive back at the hospital, pick up Michelle, and we're off again.

2:30 Arrive in Tucson, drop Elizabeth off at the sitter's.

3:00 Arrive at the hospital after stopping by the house, unloading the car, getting the Internet turned back on (something about a past due bill...), throwing out all the food that had spoiled in the past three weeks, and turning the swamp cooler on, as it's 90 degrees in the house.

4:30 Leave the hospital after spending some quality time with the kiddo. We're all very tired at this point, as all three of us have had big days.

After the hospital, we went grocery shopping to replace the food we had pitched, and then picked up Elizabeth. We came home, cooked and ate dinner, and are getting ready to call it a night soon, after some slight unpacking (and a lot of dishes to do).

The boy is doing very very well... survived his flight, and the nurses at his new hospital are just as good as the ones from his old hospital. We like them, and we must admit, we like the fact that our drive there dropped from 45 minutes to about 10. Can't go wrong with that.

Pretty busy day, pretty busy day...

It's Monsoon Time!!

FINALLY after watching news reports for the past ten days about the EVIL monsoons and how they were raining watery doom upon the greater Phoenix area... FINALLY after enduring ten days of one hundred and ten degree temperatures... FINALLY tonight it is storming outside, the likes of which I haven't seen since the latest "Anderson Cooper is Here" special report on CNN. Heavy winds, heavy rain, and lots of thunder and lightning.

As soon as it hit, I went outside to help Dick shore up the house (i.e. shut all the windows), and then went out to the carport to observe the storm firsthand. The rain was falling so hard it was like there was a curtain of water falling from the front of the carport. I sequestered myself just beyond the splash zone and started shooting pictures... we'll have to wait until the storm dies down to see how they came out, as the picture transfer software is on Mom's computer, and since that's plugged into the wall, she doesn't want that on. I'm really grateful for the laptop, and I'm extremely grateful that I was able to get the sound working on the laptop, as I'm sitting in here listening to some good music while typing. I feel like a king right now.

Downloaded some music today -- picked up some Husker Du on the recommendation of a friend -- and holy cow, is it awesome. I also grabbed a Stone Roses song that I've been wanting to listen to for a while, and also an album by an Italian group called Finley. They're pretty good -- they sing in English as well as Italian. They're Italian stuff tends to be heavier and darker, and their English stuff pretty poppy. I burned a CD of them for the ride to the hospital tomorrow.

I'm starting to think -- especially after listening to the Finley -- that I should really focus on writing to my strengths, and there's probably a market out there for rock songs that are written around a bass line with piano/keyboards. Heck, I can do that.

Can't forget about the Stephen visit today -- Mom drove, so Michelle and I got to sleep during the ride up. We had a really quality visit, and the doctor says we should be able to transfer him to Tucson either Thursday or Friday, which will be great. I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but we are really looking forward to a return to normalcy, and getting back to our own house will help that out very, very much.

I'll try to get pictures of the monsoon up later... hopefully I got at least one or two that turned out OK.

Life thoughts

No, this isn't another post on the miracle/mystery/beauty of life brought about by visiting my son in the hospital, but rather an interesting line of thought I've been pursuing over the past couple of days.

I've always believed that with God, there are to "grey areas" in life... everything is black and white, you're either following Him, or you're not. I've had some experiences with scripture recently to support this idea.

What I've determined is that everything in life is a "yes or no" question. When we pass to the other side of the veil, and we are questioned by our Savior as to the quality of our life, it's not going to be questions like "What callings have you held?", "How many children did you have?", or "How much money did you make?", but rather questions like "Did you magnify the callings you were given?", "Did you raise a righteous family/Were you a righteous and worthy parent/spouse?", or "Did you keep a responsible stewardship over that which was assigned to you?" Our status in the Lord's Kingdom depends on if we can answer these "yes or no" questions, not to which degrees we can answer them. I'm also sure that one of the questions will be "Did you serve the Lord to the best of your abilities?"

President Spencer W. Kimball (I think) said something about two questions that the Lord would ask us, and if I recall correctly, I think they were both "yes or no" type questions.

Anyway, I was thinking that that's all our life boils down to: a series of "yes or no" questions. If we live our lives so that we keep these questions in mind, it will be a lot easier. And more importantly, if we choose early on our answers to these "yes or no" questions, it makes everything that much easier in the long run.

This needs to be more organized and I need to pull some references from the scriptures to support what I've been thinking, but I honestly think I'm on to something here.

A certain disconnect

There's been a certain disconnect for me over the past week and a half or so. I usually define my days by what tasks I have to perform at work, or what baseball games are on, or what activities I have to do that evening (usually church-related). Ever since I've come up to Phoenix, I've completely lost track of the days. With Michelle being a bit under the weather yesterday, we didn't even get to go to church, so that disconnect was there again. I'm pretty sure today is Monday, and I even managed to guess correctly without even looking! Given everything that's happened recently, I'm pretty proud of that accomplishment...

Weekend Update

Hey, look at me! I've got the laptop up and running, and I also have a wireless Internet connection, so while the rest of the family is watching a boring design show on HGTV, I get to sit here and surf the web. Rock on!

Went and visited Stephen again today. It's what we do every day, and I'm glad that we are getting time to do that. He got to meet his big sister yesterday, even though he was asleep for most of the visit. Today was just Michelle and myself, and we had a blast. Michelle got to make up for yesterday by holding him the entire visit, as she was taking care of Elizabeth, who was getting very jealous of her daddy holding a new baby. It will definitely be interesting to see how those two get along when we finally get to bring him home.

I've been doing a lot of work on the novel again... I've completely changed the idea, and have been able to get some characters created, and a bit of an outline together. I spent a couple of hours today doing research online on writing detective fiction, and I'm looking forward -- now that the Internet is working from the living room -- to spend some quality time writing.

I tell you -- between the visit to Ikea today (had to pick up a new stuffed bear for Elizabeth) and these design shows, I am really glad I don't need a lot to get by in life. Very spartan, modern, minimalist. One day, when I'm able to actually assemble a house how I want it, that's how I'm going to go. It's really the only way.

RMI #15 - getting caught up

Home for the evening in Tucson, and I thought I would take some of my downtime and do what I do best... write.

You know it's been a long time since you started something when the feed on the site says, "Two Months Ago, Pronoia wrote..." and then the title of the article appears: Listen to the whispers of your possessions (Exercise #15).

This is something that I'm very keen on. I have long thought of myself as someone who does not have a lot of possessions, nor do I need a lot of possessions. I enjoy going through my life, leaving what I call a "small footprint" behind. I don't take up much space, I just go through and try to get the most accomplished and the most good done for myself, my family, and other people as possible.

Occasionally my possessions will tell me "You are not using me as much as you can be," or similarly "You are not using me as much as you thought you would." At this point, I start evaluating: is this something I currently use, is this something I am going to use in the future, or more likely, is this something I bought on a whim a long time ago with some grandiose design or mildly unreachable goal in mind, and should I refocus on that goal or cut said possession loose?

I'll admit that there is nothing really screaming at me right now to do anything about... the only exception I can think of would be my guitar, which occasionally tells me that I'm not being creative enough, yet sometimes I just haven't felt that fire. I think my life is pared down enough to the point where I feel the voices of my inner creativity calling me more than the voices of any individual possessions I have. And I think that's a good thing.

Random Thoughts on a Lonely Monday Night

Michelle and I are both home from the hospital, and after having had to run to the pharmacy for supplies for Michelle, I find myself "out of a job" again. Michelle is resting comfortably on the couch, my parents are watching TV, and Elizabeth is sleeping. I, therefore, have nothing to do, and no role to fill currently. So, I'm typing on the compuer. This is going to be a lot more stream-of-consciousness than I am used to.

I am wearing hospital bracelets on my left wrist, both of which provide me with full, unrestricted access to my child at my whim. If you've read the blog earlier, you know that on May 15, I stopped wearing a watch completely. For the past few days now, I'm finding myself randomly looking down at my wrist, expecting it to tell me something other than coded data about my son, known on my wrist as "Boy Calabresi". It's annoying, as I seem to have developed a nervous tic with glancing at my wrist frequently, yet knowing there's nothing there. I wonder if it's the same thing as randomly checking the refrigerator when one is hungry, although there is obviously nothing materializing behind the door.

I found myself thinking a lot recently about my need for personal time on a daily basis, and I hope that my family can understand that I need some time every day to just be with myself. It's not that I don't want to spend time with them -- although sitting in front of the television watching what passes for "situation comedy" does not appeal to me in the least -- but rather a need to just go off and be alone for a while. I'm glad that that is being respected so far, especially after a week of not really taking any time for myself at all.

I'm still gathering ideas for characters for a story... there's a person sitting in my head now, and has been for a while, that is aching to get out and be put on paper. I'm not sure how well I know this person yet, or even how he's going to be in the long run, but I know some aspects of him, and he seems to be a generally good guy. I'm going to spend some time tomorrow getting to know him, I think, and then see what I can put down about him.

One of the things I'm looking forward to about getting a laptop is combining my alone, my creative time with time spent with my family. I can sit in front of the TV and tune it out while physically being in the same room as my family, yet be focused on getting ideas down and meeting new people at the same time. I do see myself as a writer... a writer of music, a writer of words... it's definitely an artistic side of me that I do love exploring...

I am so looking forward to a decent shower and shave tomorrow morning. There are a couple of telephone calls that I need to make, and some errands that need need need to be run first thing in the morning, before anything else, even before going to the hospital. I'm thinking we should start brown-bagging our lunch from here, and using our funds wisely, namely, for gasoline. The funds that were collected from my co-workers were magical and timely, and lasted just until Michelle's hospital stay ended. I ate very little, too!

I had come up with an alternate title for my blog, since "A Year In the Life" isn't going to cut it, as I have officially decided to keep this going beyond one year. However, I have forgotten it. Here's hoping that I will be able to creatively pursue this and remember my original title.

Hope everything is going well on the home front. I am expecting a package from Germany, and do not want that to stall at the post office. I may have to return to Tucson sooner than expected, if anything just to get some supplies. Plus, returning to Tucson will break the monotony for me, and allow me to feel more in my element by helping others out. Although, to be honest, the drive is going to KILL me. Especially with how hot it has been up here, and in the States overall. The weather report just came on the television today, and the high temperature today was a whopping 111ºF. Pretty hot day, pretty hot day...

Update from the hospital

Turns out the hospital computer room is closed on the weekends, so I have been shut in here with Michelle for the past couple of days with no way to contact people. But, other than that (and the crushing loss the Diamondbacks suffered last night) it's been a good weekend. We visited Stephen a few times and Michelle even found the strength to walk down to the NICU. Michelle gets her staples out today and even gets to go home later this afternoon! This is a wonderful development, and we are all looking forward to some semblance of normalcy returning to our lives. Michelle won't be able to lift heavy weights or drive a car for a few weeks, but that's what I'm for, right?

Stephen is doing very, very well... he's as happy as a clam and has some wonderful nurses taking care of him. Both Michelle and I took a lot of time yesterday to hold him and just rock him for a little bit, and today he's getting a bath, which Michelle wants to be present for.

All in all, it's been a great weekend with much progress made by all involved. I won't miss sleeping on the cot in the hospital room, either! Or the hospital food, or the limited selection of channels on the television, or no internet, or... but I'm not complaining. :-)

Picture of Stephen

Here he is! He was doing better yesterday, had the C-pap removed and that was replaced by a pacifier roughly the size of his face. Mom, Dad, and Grandma all got to hold him.

The network at Mom's is wonko this morning. I'm going to end this quickly and not push my luck. Hopefully I'll be able to update at the hospital this weekend; I don't know the hours of the computer lab there on weekends.